In Other News....

The beach is one of my favorite places to be.  There's something so soothing and refreshing about listening to the waves and walking in the sand.  It's a plus if I'm on a warm beach, because I can soak up the sunshine and not be worried that the water is too cold, sorry Oregon & Washington beaches.

I had an interview today.  Instead of trying to come up with some semi-intelligent answer to the "Where do you see yourself in five years question?" I said, "On a beach."  And, really, that's where I'd love to be tomorrow, and not have to wait five years.

So, tonight, while I'm trying to find some inspiration for supper, I'm going to go find some pictures of tropical beaches and drink a cup of tea.

In the Meantime

I've just recently moved and I'm without full-time employment, so I've had a lot of time to recover from my former job.  It was a bit stressful.  So, I've done some baking, some reading, some volunteering, a bit of cooking, and some recovering.  

Before Christmas, I baked dozens of cookies with my mother-in-law.  

Last week, I baked some cinnamon pull-apart bread.  That didn't last more than 2 days.

And then, my husband and I, mostly my husband, fixed up our closet so we can actually hang up our clothes.  It turned out really well.

In between all these projects, I have to find things to do with myself.  So, I think I'm going to start blogging a bit more and maybe working on my story.  Wish me luck.

Book and Movie Choices

In my three decades or so of life experiences, I've come to a few conclusions about when to read or watch certain things.  Most of the conclusions I've had to come to the hard way.  

Like the time that I watched Walker, Texas Ranger before I went to bed.  There was a serial killer and there was so much blood everywhere and I don't think I slept well for months.  I had nightmares.  I actually haven't watched any Walker since.   

There were the times that I watched NCIS or some other murder mystery too close to bed time and they invaded my dreams.  

And there were the times that I watched some murder mystery at night when I was at home by myself.  I don't think I slept much then, either.

Then there was the time that I read Wuthering Heights during a very gray November.  It was a bad idea.  I was already struggling with depression that fall.  Wuthering Heights just added to that.  

Just recently, I watched Catching Fire and Les Miserables within a week of each other.  Another bad idea.  I should have already learned my lesson.  I hadn't even recovered emotionally from the heart rending that is Catching Fire and I had to go and watch Les Miserables.  Both of these are excellent movies.  And I cried.  And the little bit of my heart that had survived Catching Fire was demolished by Les Miserables.  It took me weeks to recover from that.  Weeks.  

It was worse than when I finished Mockingjay.  

I suppose if you don't get tied up in stories emotionally, then you don't have to worry about all that.  And if your imagination doesn't hear sounds that aren't there or give you nightmares, then you don't have to worry about that, either.  

Because of the way I get wrapped up in story and the vibrancy of my imagination, I have to make different choices with what I read and watch.  No sad movies or books when I'm depressed or have the potential for depression.  No scary or suspenseful movies or books before I go to bed.  And no horror movies or books or TV shows, period.

What about you?  Any books, movies, or TV shows that you've read/watched at the wrong time of day/life?  Any times you've learned the hard way?

You know...

In thinking a little bit about my last blog post, and after talking to a very smart woman, I've decided that it's good to have goals, but it's another thing to obsess about what I can't control and what I can't get done. Because, honestly, I don't have a lot of time in my daily schedule to do everything I'd like to do.  And, well, I could probably manage my time a bit better and watch less television.

So I'm going to start small.  I'm not going to let go of my goals.  But I'm going to be realistic about them and maybe try to find a way to manage my time a bit better so I can do some of these things that I want to do.

That's going to be a challenge, though, with the new school year starting and my three of my weekday evenings filled with mentoring.  But, I think if I plan a bit better and not give myself such a rough time when I just don't meet my expectations, I might be able to make some small strides toward my goals.

Maybe.

We'll see.

But whether or not I get much closer to all these things that I want to do, I can still be nice to myself and not feel like such a failure when I don't accomplish all this stuff.

Talk about challenging, especially when this drive to get things done is ingrained in my being.


More on that next time.

Best of Intentions

I have so many ideas and I want to do so many things with my days, my weeks...my life, really.  But I don't end up doing much.  At least, I feel like I don't do much.  I want to get my spare room in order and get my books up on the shelves.  I want to take some computer classes.  I want to research interesting topics and write papers.  I want to get back into shape and be able to fit my clothes better.  I want to spend more time in Bible study and prayer.  I want to be able to finish that book that I've been sporadically reading for the past two years.  I want to be able to read non-fiction as much as I read fiction.  I really want to wash and vacuum my car.  I'd like to be able to cook healthy meals all the time.  I'd like to have a thriving indoor garden.  Honestly, I'd like to be able to keep up with the dishes.  I'd like to actually write the book that's stuck in my head and actually see it published.  I'd love to be able to publish a new post on this blog every day, or even once a week would be wonderful.

But it just isn't happening.

I wake up and get ready for work.  I go to work.  When I get home in the evenings, there's dinner to make and eat.  Then I spend time with my husband.  And then it's bedtime.  That's my life.

And I want to do more.  I want to be more.  I want to be someplace that fits me.

And I'd like a friend.


I have to tell you, though, I'm afraid to find a friend, afraid to find a place where I feel like I belong, afraid to begin something new outside of my home.  I'm afraid that I'll have to move away from my friend and wherever I find that fits and whatever I try to do.  I've moved so much already and I know I'll be moving again, I just don't know when.  So what's the point of making connections?  What's the point of trying to figure out where I fit?  I have work friends.  I have my plants.  I got quite a few tomatoes and some delightful herbs out of my potted garden this summer.  My orchids are still alive and so are my strawberry plants.  There are people at church who know me.  But I don't feel plugged in.

I feel separate.

Maybe it's my fault.  Partly, it is, I suppose.  Too afraid to reach out.  Too afraid to change.  Content to stay in my loneliness even though it's so...lonely.  It's a comfortable place to be.  It's unhealthy, but I don't want to move.  It's my spot.


I need to change.  I need to get past this fear.  And I need to find my motivation.

Catching Flies

Customer service is a difficult job.  Not only is there the endless dealing with people, which is exhausting for an introvert like me, there's the inevitable dealings with difficult people.  The occasional grouchy or unhappy person is expected.  Even the occasional irate or entitled person is expected.  But it shouldn't be the norm.  Last Friday, it was the norm.  It should be that way.  

How is it acceptable to call someone and take your frustrations out on them?  How is it alright to yell at someone and threaten them simply because they are the only one in the office?  How is it ok to still expect good service and respect after you've berated and disrespected someone?

As the saying goes, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.  If you need someone to do something for you, isn't it better to ask nicely, to treat them with respect, to treat them how you would like to be treated?  Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

If you treat your waiter or waitress badly, you might not want to eat the food they serve.  If you treat your dad's nurse badly, your dad may not have the best of care anymore.  If you berate a customer service rep, you can be sure that it will get around to the other customer service reps.

Trying to throw your weight around or taking your anger out on someone will make it harder, in the long run, for you to get what you want.

As I'm often telling people, just be nice.  Stop and think about how you're coming across.  Think about how you'd react if someone treated you the way that you just treated that person on the phone.  Do you like it when people yell at you, belittle you and berate you?  Do you like being disrespected?  No?  Then maybe you need to show a little kindness in your speech and in your treatment of others.

After all, No act of kindness, no matter how small, is never wasted (Aesop).

Be the hero!

There's this song by Smash Mouth called Everyday Superhero.  You may have heard the chorus.
          I'm just your average, ordinary, everyday superhero
          Trying to save the world, but never really sure
          I'm just your average, ordinary, everyday superhero
          Nothing more than that
          That's all I really am

I first heard it in the closing credits of Vin Diesel's The Pacifier.  I've been hooked ever since.  It took me awhile to get the words of that first line straight.  lol.  But it's a fun song when I need a little musical help to clean the house.

That chorus is one of my theme songs now.  Because, really, as much as I don't want to think of myself as average or ordinary, I don't have any superpowers.  So I can't stop natural disasters or defeat super villains. I can't leap buildings or make people tell the truth.

But I can make my grandma's day just by calling.  And I can make my niece's birthday awesome because I knew exactly what to get her.  I can make a patient's life a bit easier by getting them in to see the doctor sooner than they thought possible.  And I can make someone's day just by smiling.

There are lots of impossible things that I won't ever be able to do.  But making someone's day is pretty close to being a superhero.