You know...

In thinking a little bit about my last blog post, and after talking to a very smart woman, I've decided that it's good to have goals, but it's another thing to obsess about what I can't control and what I can't get done. Because, honestly, I don't have a lot of time in my daily schedule to do everything I'd like to do.  And, well, I could probably manage my time a bit better and watch less television.

So I'm going to start small.  I'm not going to let go of my goals.  But I'm going to be realistic about them and maybe try to find a way to manage my time a bit better so I can do some of these things that I want to do.

That's going to be a challenge, though, with the new school year starting and my three of my weekday evenings filled with mentoring.  But, I think if I plan a bit better and not give myself such a rough time when I just don't meet my expectations, I might be able to make some small strides toward my goals.

Maybe.

We'll see.

But whether or not I get much closer to all these things that I want to do, I can still be nice to myself and not feel like such a failure when I don't accomplish all this stuff.

Talk about challenging, especially when this drive to get things done is ingrained in my being.


More on that next time.

Best of Intentions

I have so many ideas and I want to do so many things with my days, my weeks...my life, really.  But I don't end up doing much.  At least, I feel like I don't do much.  I want to get my spare room in order and get my books up on the shelves.  I want to take some computer classes.  I want to research interesting topics and write papers.  I want to get back into shape and be able to fit my clothes better.  I want to spend more time in Bible study and prayer.  I want to be able to finish that book that I've been sporadically reading for the past two years.  I want to be able to read non-fiction as much as I read fiction.  I really want to wash and vacuum my car.  I'd like to be able to cook healthy meals all the time.  I'd like to have a thriving indoor garden.  Honestly, I'd like to be able to keep up with the dishes.  I'd like to actually write the book that's stuck in my head and actually see it published.  I'd love to be able to publish a new post on this blog every day, or even once a week would be wonderful.

But it just isn't happening.

I wake up and get ready for work.  I go to work.  When I get home in the evenings, there's dinner to make and eat.  Then I spend time with my husband.  And then it's bedtime.  That's my life.

And I want to do more.  I want to be more.  I want to be someplace that fits me.

And I'd like a friend.


I have to tell you, though, I'm afraid to find a friend, afraid to find a place where I feel like I belong, afraid to begin something new outside of my home.  I'm afraid that I'll have to move away from my friend and wherever I find that fits and whatever I try to do.  I've moved so much already and I know I'll be moving again, I just don't know when.  So what's the point of making connections?  What's the point of trying to figure out where I fit?  I have work friends.  I have my plants.  I got quite a few tomatoes and some delightful herbs out of my potted garden this summer.  My orchids are still alive and so are my strawberry plants.  There are people at church who know me.  But I don't feel plugged in.

I feel separate.

Maybe it's my fault.  Partly, it is, I suppose.  Too afraid to reach out.  Too afraid to change.  Content to stay in my loneliness even though it's so...lonely.  It's a comfortable place to be.  It's unhealthy, but I don't want to move.  It's my spot.


I need to change.  I need to get past this fear.  And I need to find my motivation.

Catching Flies

Customer service is a difficult job.  Not only is there the endless dealing with people, which is exhausting for an introvert like me, there's the inevitable dealings with difficult people.  The occasional grouchy or unhappy person is expected.  Even the occasional irate or entitled person is expected.  But it shouldn't be the norm.  Last Friday, it was the norm.  It should be that way.  

How is it acceptable to call someone and take your frustrations out on them?  How is it alright to yell at someone and threaten them simply because they are the only one in the office?  How is it ok to still expect good service and respect after you've berated and disrespected someone?

As the saying goes, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.  If you need someone to do something for you, isn't it better to ask nicely, to treat them with respect, to treat them how you would like to be treated?  Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

If you treat your waiter or waitress badly, you might not want to eat the food they serve.  If you treat your dad's nurse badly, your dad may not have the best of care anymore.  If you berate a customer service rep, you can be sure that it will get around to the other customer service reps.

Trying to throw your weight around or taking your anger out on someone will make it harder, in the long run, for you to get what you want.

As I'm often telling people, just be nice.  Stop and think about how you're coming across.  Think about how you'd react if someone treated you the way that you just treated that person on the phone.  Do you like it when people yell at you, belittle you and berate you?  Do you like being disrespected?  No?  Then maybe you need to show a little kindness in your speech and in your treatment of others.

After all, No act of kindness, no matter how small, is never wasted (Aesop).